How do you tell the world you're struggling, when you have no idea how to have them help? If they do notice you're struggling, is there really anything they can do for you? When you aren't even sure yourself what is causing your struggling, how do you express that to anyone else?
Have you asked yourself these question before? If you are neurodivergent in any way, then I am 99% sure that the answer is yes. We all struggle, not all in the same ways, but we all do struggle. However, trying to lock down what it is exactly that we are struggling with, or what triggered it, or what anyone can do to help with it, is damn near impossible most the time. We don't want to be alone, we don't want to be struggling, we really would like to have some help, but we aren't sure what to ask for.
When you are struggling and someone asks if they can help, or when you are struggling and you know you need to ask for help, then one of two senarios comes about.
1) You have no idea what to ask for that might help you because getting help for something that is only in your head, and incredibly hard to describe, means knowing what would fix the problem, and you have no idea how to fix the problem.
or
2) You have ideas on what to ask for to get help from people, but you have no idea how to ask for those things, and are pretty sure that they are too much to ask of anyone, even if you did ask.
How am I doing?
Way too often in life, neurotypical people ask if there is anyway they can help us with our struggles, simply out of common courtesy. They have no real desire to do much more than say they are here for you, and maybe let you vent a bit. It's not that they don't care, and it's not that they don't want to help. The issue is that for them, being neurotypical, that's all that is really needed. When they are down or confused or what not, then some kind words, a listening ear, and a smile, can usually be enough to help them feel better enough to keep moving forward with life, even if it didn't fix the issue. So in their minds they are giving you the help that helps them, and that's a big deal.
However, when you are neurodivergent, what is bothering you or what is causing your struggle, will not go away with kind words and a listening ear. Those things are nice, and they may give us the spoons/zen to keep moving forward, but it's not quite enough to actually deal with any of the problems that are currently going on in your head. So we thank them for the help, let them go on about their day, and then go right back into our own minds and fretting over whatever is the current issue in our minds. After a while of people always offering us the exact same thing to try to help, we start to feel guilty that what they offer isn't enough, and fear that if we ask for anything other than what they always offer, we will be too much. So we learn to just bottle it up, smile and nod and thank them, and just stop sharing with them every time there is an issue. After a while of this, we start running out of friends offering to help, and think that it's because we are just too much or not worth their time. When the real answer is that we blocked them out and stopped sharing with them to the point that we inadvertantly pushed them away.
We always feel like no one will understand what's going on in our heads, because often we have no idea what is going on in our own heads. So how do you ask for help from someone else, when even you don't know what's wrong? How do you put that burden on someone when you can't even handle the burden? How do you curse them with the truth of what's going on in your head when you are trying so desperatly not to have the curse yourself?
Well to be honest, the truth is that you aren't cursed. The truth is that even though you may not understand what's going on in your own head, that's okay. The truth is that just because you lean on someone else when you are struggling doesn't mean you are putting everything on them. The truth is that you are never as alone as you feel.
No one can take your struggles away from you and make you better, no one. Anyone who tells you otherwise, no matter how good their intentions, is lying to you and probably to themselves. No one can take away your struggles and make everything better, they can't. What they can do however, is be there for you, support you, and show you that you aren't alone while you battle your any demons/issues/struggles that you have inside your head. And sometimes, actually more often than you might expect, that can be enough to get you through. That can be enough to get you through.
No they may not understand what you are going through, and sure, a lot of your inner thoughts/struggles/issues/demons may be too much for them. However, if they are genuinly willing to be there for you, to show you that you are not alone, that takes one of the biggest struggles we all face out of the equation. That struggle is loneliness, and that struggle hurts more than pretty much any other struggle we may have. Cuz when you are lonely, it's hard to want to put in any of the work to fix your inner issues, because you don't see the point. We all need a reason to fight and get better. We all need a reason to get up every morning and keep going. We all need a reason to want to do better. Having someone there for you is a really good reason.
It's like people who go to the gym together to work out, or people always do study groups together, or any of the millions of online communities in the world. They have all have one thing in common, support. It's always easier to do things when you have the support of those around you. It's always easier to work on things when you know you're not alone and there is someone who see's your progress. It's always easier to do just about anything in life, when you don't feel so alone.
Guess what? You're not. You're not SO alone. There are plenty of people in this world who are going through similar things as you. There are plenty of people in this world who would by willing to pick up the phone when you call and let you vent. There are plenty of people in this world who want to see you not only survive, but thrive. You may no have met them yet, you may never actually meet them in person, but they are out there.
So are you struggling? Yes. Do you know what would help? No. Does that mean you don't deserve any help? No. Does that mean you are all alone in this world? No. Are there people out there who would love to be there for you? Yes.
So, if this is you today, or maybe this was you yesterday, or maybe this will be you tomorrow, please know, You're Not SO Alone. If you don't have people in your own life who would be willing to be there for you, then go online. Find communities and groups and so on of people who are going through what you are going through, join them. You don't have to post yourself, often just reading a post of someone struggling in a similar way, and reading the comments of support from other group members is enough to get rid of the lonely feeling.
There are people out there, groups out there, communities out there, willing to help and be there for you. Why? Because as I keep saying, and I will always keep saying,
You're Not SO Alone.
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